If you are reading this, please call in the National Guard. I do not know how much time we have left before the internet ceases to exist, so please do all you can. America has a huge crisis on its hands. The crisis is much, much worse than a zombie outbreak or the rise of the machines. America is having a Corona shortage…

That is right. You heard what I said, “America is having a Corona shortage”. Surely a beer running in such limited supply on a national scale must taste like the nectar of the gods, or at least be something desirable, right? However, that is not the case. After upwards of a few thousand reviews at RateBeer.com, Corona has a grade of 1.69 out of 10. That is a pitiful. The rinse cup in beer pong has a higher ranking score and claims a “better beer flavor”.

But you might be thinking, that is really only one source that says Corona is garbage, I will need a little more clarity than my own taste buds. Well, you are in luck! The Beer Advocate gives Corona an ‘awful’ rating of 55 out of 100 and the following description, ‘faded aromas of sulfur, faint skunk, mild cooked veggies.’ Nothing says “relaxing on the beach” like mild cooked veggies and sulfur!

Now, if Corona tastes that bad, how could there be a shortage? Embarrassingly, Corona is the fifth largest selling beer in America. Thanks to some clever marketing about white sandy beaches, billions in backing and relying almost solely on the flavor of a lime (sold separately) Corona cannot keep up with its United States demand. It seems Americans just cannot get enough of that skunky brew.

It is really disappointing to have such bad beers drinkers in this country. On RateCountry.com (if there were such a thing) we would also get a 1.69 out of 10 for our beer tastes. There are so many good American beers made right around the corner from you. Drink local and support your community. If we apply Republican Candidate Donald Trump’s feelings on immigration to beer, he does not seem like such a lunatic. We do not need watery Mexican beer stealing space on our beer shelves. There are a lot of good American craft brews that deserve your attention.

Do yourself a favor this summer, if someone hands you a Corona at a party please say, “no thank you, I don’t like drinking beer that taste like a year old lemon trapped in a dirty gym sock.” Then reach for something locally brewed and share it with a friend.

Cheers

Jim Kohl